Do it...you won't

it’s bliggity blogging time…

I haven’t poured out my soul to the cyber-masses in a while, but that doesn’t mean that the wheels have stopped spinning.

I moved out of New England a few weeks ago, and temporarily back into my parents house in Lancaster. This move of course involved mixed emotions and anticipation for the things to come, as it is one step closer to being married and settling down in the great state of California.

sick day

despite sleeping all weekend, and not going further then “tapas” the phenom of a wrap joint down the block, I was still unable to make it into work on this monday morning. maybe God wanted me to stay home and take a break from the right brained environment of a database software company. i have pretty much sat in bed all day, with the delightful visit of my future wifey around lunch time. 

i began to wonder around facebook, and it didn’t take too long for me to get lost in a world that was so far from my own. have you ever looked at other people’s lives (or what they’d like you to think their lives are by portraying them in a certain light via the internet), but either way, you look at their “lives” and wonder why you neglect to delight in the things that they delight in. or maybe better said, you envy a little bit. in this instance, it’s not that i envied someone for what they have, but for simply the way in which they choose to live, because it so blatantly points out the folly in my living. I guess that is part of our human condition, to look upon others and instantly feel as though we don’t measure up. I think i am getting better with this though. i think i used to do this, you know look at others and feel uncomfortable in my own skin, so I’d strive to actually live exactly like that person, as if that would solve my problems. I’d try to mimick them, or do what they are doing in order to feel like them. Inevitably though the pendulum would swing back towards the center of who i am, and it would feel like a failure once again. 

as most of my posts here, I will end with my conclusion to this whole feeling. my conclusion is that we will inevitably measure ourselves against our peers. we are inherently imperfect human beings. but our decision of what to do once we get that feeling of envy is the difference. in my opinion, when we feel envy, we should strive to reach out and take the part of that person that we envy, store it away in our hearts, and remember what it is that made us envy, and appreciate that person even more because of it. to strip it down, turn this potentially negative feeling, and use it as a positive. turn envy into appreciation for difference, and respect for the endeavors of each imperfect human being. 

it’s not about me

The most important lesson that I’m learning right now is “IT’S NOT ABOUT ME.” That is so hard to get through our thick american skulls. seriously. in america, we are told that its all about us.

what kind of car do you drive? how big is your house? how cool is your life? how much stuff do you have? not that much, then you suck, and your not as cool as me because I have more stuff, and my stuff is newer and more expensive. where did you go to college? oh really, you didn’t go…(looking down my nose)…

stop and think about it…all we ever do is serve ourselves. that is how we are coached to operate…selfishly. and the truth of the matter is this. we don’t have to worry about ourselves so much. do you know how hard it is to starve in america…like really starve? you have to try to starve. You have to turn down all the people that are trying to help you.

my point is this…if you spend your entire life looking out for #1 (yourself)…you’re going to look back at your life someday and say these words “I’m an idiot.” because you missed it, you totally missed it. you were so busy trying to look good to other people, that you forgot to actually reach out to them, and help them when they needed it. you probably forgot to stop working and treat someone to lunch. and you probably never said…screw my savings account, I am buying a flight to africa to serve people who SERIOUSLY need jesus.

when you stop making it about yourself, you allow youself to be a part of something sooo much bigger that is going on in the world today. I bet you didn’t know that, it’s like you subconsciously enlist in this imaginary army, and all of the sudden you are in the midst of the battle. but it is this awesome and rewarding and fulfilling battle that doesn’t care if bmw came out with a redesigned M3 this year, because that is going to get old and rusty, and the only person who will really enjoy it is me. …it gets lonely fighting for only myself, I think I wanna enlist in this other army…